I hate making New Year’s resolutions. The minute I start thinking about making resolutions my internal voice begins chiming in with a litany of negative things I “should” be focused on. “You are too fat.” “You are too stressed.” “You are so disorganized.” Contemplating all my shortcomings makes me want to get into bed and pull the covers over my head. I rarely take the time to look back with fresh eyes on the past...
When Maura was told that her job was in jeopardy she immediately ran out of the office, through the hallway, into the elevator and out to her car. She called me as she was driving, 80 miles an hour, banging on the horn and yelling obscenities to everyone who came into her path. “I can’t take any more of this sh*t, “ she screamed into the phone. “My whole life has been one failure after...
Has it ever happened that you find yourself, figuratively or literally, banging your fists, head and body against a wall, a wall with a sign that reads: It’s not supposed to be this way? While you bang on the wall, you hear yourself proclaim: “I can’t take this.” You are suffering. You resist reality. When midlife hits there are so many things to resist. For Lynn it was the death of her husband, for Annette...
Here are a few imagined plot twists for older women. Marta was awarded her silk robe on her 80th birthday. She decided her new name would be Supreme Listening One. She has honed the skill of listening well beyond the expertise of others. She listens better than the best psychotherapist. People say that she listens with her organs, not just her ears. Google and Amazon are currently vying to hire her in a high earning...
Autopilot is death. Choose where to invest your energy, and do so intentionally, because the clearest path to a robust life is purposeful engagement. ~ Barbara Bradley Hagerty in Life Reimagined: The Science, Art and Opportunity of Midlife. Dialectical Behavior Therapy, (DBT) created by Marsha Linehan, offers skills to build a life worth living. Lately, I teach the skills to women who want to make the most of the midlife experience. This is the second...
Ellie sat in the therapy chair across from me and repeated things she had said many times before. “I am not good enough.” “I am not smart enough.” “I don’t know what to do.” “I feel hopeless.” The energy was draining from the room. We were both stifling yawns. Ellie wanted change. She felt trapped in a body and identity that she judged and couldn’t abide. Out of the blue, I threw a light-blinking rubber ball at her as she was talking. For the first time in...
All of us have to learn how to invent our lives, make them up, imagine them. We need to be taught these skills; we need guides to show us how. If we don’t, our lives get made up for us by other people. ~Ursula K. Le Guin Novelist Ursula Le Guin recently passed on. But she leaves us with the ancient yet fresh notion that we can and should re-create ourselves beyond the confines of...
Each week Dr. Cecilia Dintino and Psychotherapist Hannah Murray Starobin will speak with women who have twisted their plots and discovered that life after 50 can be filled with imagination, inspiration, laughter, and endless possibilities.